today, i found my birth control pills wedged between the pages of my biology book. seeing as we will be studying reproduction (of hay/grass), it seemed fitting.

in other news, this is a completey unexaggerated sketch of a real event that occurred at work:



that was my day.

MUST RE-INSTALL IMMEDIATELY

this might be the most perfect thing i have seen on the internet in a looooong time.

(i can't get the alt text to work, but it should read "i want us to gerund, essentially." ALDKSFJSDLKF)

my nose is running, but i cannot find any tissues. as a result of this problem, i have been using toilet paper. the toilet paper tends to get stuck on my nose piercing, creating a beautiful accent for my nostril. unfortunately, i continually forget to check for toilet paper stuck on my nose, so i've probably been walking around like this all weekend.

even better - every time i open my mouth, one of two things happens:
1. i am unable to speak due to losing my voice and instead make unusual and somewhat frightening squeaking noises.
2. i end up hysterically coughing and sounding like i am thirty seconds away from death.

I AM THE PRETTIEST GIRL ALIVE.

i laughed so hard that i died and am updating livejournal from beyond the grave.



picture is unrelated

Me gusta tomar fotos mit Film.


and to think...i want to learn MORE languages?!

in other news, i can no longer laugh when my uncle says "très gut."

so, back in high school, we had a history test of horrifying proportions where i answered a lot of the questions very poorly. (see post. i recommend it because i still believe that "Wohnzimmer" should have been counted since it technically was correct...technically...)

today, in college, some five years later, i had to take a geology test. one of our essay questions included describing different types of volcanic explosions and then give an example of each. for this question, i drew some volcanoes in various stages of exploding, and then wrote little captions under them. one volcano was lucky enough to receive the following description:

this volcano is in hawaii. its name starts with a K and is 5 - 7 characters in length.

...except, this time, i actually got full credit for my half-assed answer.

("kilauea" was the seven-character name beginning with a K. thanks google!)

i need a drink.

i decided to be all productive and go to class today...and then i discover my car no longer starts.

oh silly konrad.

since spilling water on my laptop, it has started doing the following things:
1. giving me the BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH and doing a "complete physical memory dump" every time i run/close/think about the sims.

2. winamp now acts very...strangely. if it's open "too long," it loses its ability to be minimized.

3. my wireless card is even screwier than it was before.

4. obviously, the whole keyboard fiasco.

5. i am no longer able to "safely eject" my external hard drive. in fact, i cannot "safely eject" anything except my printer. every time i try, it insists that the drive is too busy. (doesn't matter if i've shut down all other programs and made sure nothing on the drive is being accessed, IT IS ALWAYS TOO BUSY.)

6. it will occasionally make weird buzzing noises.

7. programs randomly crash. this evening's casualty: my IM client. its icon disappeared from my system tray, but instead of the icons rearranging themselves to fill the space...i just had a gap. it seems to have fixed itself now, but i suppose i should probably reboot the computer anyway.

8. speaking of which, i cannot be logged into AIM and go on facebook at the same time unless it is the only page i am viewing. god forbid i attempt to check my email AND go on facebook at the same time, or else the entire computer freezes and then everything explodes.

in other news, i read that people who are ambidextrous are more likely to suffer from hypocondria. THIS EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.

in other other news, I THINK I COULD LISTEN TO THIS SONG FOREVER.

just days after i mentioned the "FREE KITTENS TO A GOOD HOE" ad, i'm lurking around craigslist and find...( this )

this is more unfortunate than the typo on my great-grandmother's grave.

from the newspaper that brought you my favorite classified ad ever:


...comes my new favorite movie description ever:


a free movie about possessed bedding? I'M SO THERE.

also! this is the scan that broke my scanner!! i am not sure what this means for the comics yet. i can still draw them on the computer, but this leads to a lot of laziness and copypasta and it's just more difficult and annoying and results in shittier comics (in my opinion, anyway) and i was just starting to get decent at/have fun with the whole drawing lefty thing (don't you dare) and boy howdy, i love run-on sentences.

and satin.

today, i work 4PM - 11PM. why did i wake up at 9:30AM?

it's okay though, because i have already learned a valuable lesson: don't keep open drink containers next to an open bottle of nail polish remover. definitely almost drank out of the wrong one. although, who knows, perhaps that would have cleared out whatever it is that has rendered my vocal chords useless.

seems to me like it's nearly time to shower and head to wegmans for some more allergy relief meds.

http://www.taketheaction.com/

that is all.

about two years ago, i posted about finding jesus in a man's coat pocket. droogs, a few weeks ago, i found jesus again. this time, he was hiding in a vending machine. ( proof in the form of shitty cell phone photography )

TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR ANOTHER EDITION OF "REASONS WHY CHRISTINE IS GOING TO HELL!"

"when your brother says one of his friends 'has a corndog in their pocket,' does he mean an actual corndog or part of their anatomy?"
--my mother

mall news is terrible and is going to cause everyone in the mall to become stupider.

i'm sure some of you are sitting here and thinking that i think it's "terrible" because it doesn't fit in with my opinions on the world. well, in that case, let me give you a few samples of what is deemed "newsworthy." (sadly, i do not have direct quotations on these "news briefs," but i swear on the life of my beloved konrad that i am not exaggerating these at all.)

michelle obama: first lady fashionista
michelle obama has great fashion sense and will be the next first lady!
...WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT MICHELLE OBAMA'S FASHION SENSE? oh, i'm sorry, i forgot - surely mrs. obama's shoes are more important than her husband's new job as...what was it again? the president? yeah, fuck that, let's go shoe shopping! MAYBE WE CAN JUST STOP BY THE WHITE HOUSE AND GET SOME SWEET FASHION TIPS TOO!!!123234trgfbcv

coldplay is awarded [some shit]
coldplay is a well-known band and has many popular songs. they won [this bullshit award no one gives a damn about].
WOW, REALLY? THEY'RE WELL-KNOWN AND THEY HAVE POPULAR SONGS? REALLY?!?!

joan osborne: [some random phrase because, seriously, they pulled this headline out of their asses]
joan osborne, writer of "one of us," has a god-given talent for singing.
you know, i have to give mall news credit for this one. this is easily the most thought-provoking news brief because THERE IS NO EXPLANATION FOR THE RANDOM PHRASE.

high school musical is a pop culture phenomenon
chances are, if you're surrounded by a group of teenagers, many of them are fans of HSM.
1. WHO GIVES A SHIT.
2. WHY ARE ALL OF THE HEADLINES JUST RE-WRITTEN WITHOUT FURTHER EXPLANATION OF THE STORIES WHY WHY WHY

hollywood pokes fun at politics
many stars have been making jokes about the election.
this isn't news! stop calling it news! call it exactly what it is: PURE 100% NOT-FROM-CONCENTRATE BULLSHIT ABOUT NOTHING.


this is my job. normally, i just find a humorous way to deal with whatever's bothering me, but DAMNIT, YOU GUYS, if you also had to endure this mindless babbling for hours at a time (news repeating AT LEAST twice an hour), YOU TOO WOULD BE A LITTLE MIFFED.

and if you've been paying attention to anything i've said during the past year, you know what my closing statement will be, so let's have it:

FUCK MY LIFE, USW

my dream last night was pretty weird, but i think the weirdest part of it was that i decided that a hollowed-out dinner roll (which i decorated with ball-point pens) would be the perfect case for my birth control pills.







what
the
fuck